holy shit monkies i haven't been on devart in a while!

musings on life(or just too much alone time):

this whole week has been horrible, i felt like was drowning and now that it's finally over i can breath again. gah! but today was rather nice, even though it was still stressful cuz i didn't do any of my homework(as usual). but yeah, i like the time i get to myself on friday afternoons, it seems to me the sun is always shining on fridays... i've heard alot of people say that they're not afraid of dying, but it's strange to me because dying seems like the scariest thing. even though my life isn't anything amazing, but i cant imagine not being alive. just not existing, for eternity. never living again. i think people would say that stupid, and being afraid is stupid. but i've come to think that having something i really cared about would be nice. something to live for. something to die for.
and sometimes i feel like i'm living in the wrong time. i want to live in a time where there are standards to live up it. like bushido, i want to work to become something better, and even if i were just a ronin, i would have a code, a meaning. i mean in this time most people's goals are to have a good job that pays well. but i would like to think i working towards a greater good. is that why people aren't afraid to die? because they will die for what they beleive in?